I hold a Chinese drivers license.

That’s not an oxymoron, though you could be forgiven for thinking so the way the majority of ‘mainlanders’ drive. After 7 years in China I though it would be entertaining to reflect on some of my road experiences and all things traffic. Why? It might shed some light on why (people say) Chinese drivers are so bad…

It all began back in 2012 when I first moved to China from the Philippines. I transferred to Foshan city with Marco Polo Hotels and was assigned a driver with a nice Toyota Camry to take me where I needed. He was a lovely fellow but after quite a few white knuckle drives around town I decided I had to get my own license, if only to calm my nerves and maintain my sanity.

And so began the saga of trying to get my Chinese drivers license. As I had an Australian one and had been driving since 1979, I was only required to sit the official computer road rules and knowledge test. OK, that sounded simple enough. So I bought a copy of the official road rules test book and started to review the test questions. Er…what? I had never seen such a lot of google translate mish-mash in my life.

Thinking I was ready, I sat the first test. Fail.

It took three attempts, but I got there…

Undeterred I decided to have another go. I waited the compulsory cooling off  and revision period, studied all over again. Sat the test. But this time it was a completely new and different test. So I failed again.

Grrr. That was it. I threw in the towel and had to suffer more white knuckle drives with my now very smug driver. But my PA Amy told me not to give up and to have another go. She found another test book on line which claimed to have a 99% success rate if studied properly. Well I thought, I had nothing to loose except more white knuckle rides so I studied the book and hoped for the best.

Hotel owner bought me an Audi A6. A real car.

“…go now. You get 92/100, pass.” he said.   “Sorry, what was that?” I replied  “Pass, you go.” he said again.

I was quite the celebrity in the Foshan traffic bureau that day. Their first foreigner to take the test (and pass) apparently.

Then the real fun began. In spite of all the testing, checking, regulations and rules, it seems that once people actually get their license, the aforementioned are purely for reference, never to be taken seriously again. Driving in city traffic is orchestrated chaos where as many people try to get into as many lanes going in the same direction as possible. Crossing three lanes through thick traffic and back again is the norm. Stopping in the middle of the road before freeway off ramps is commonplace. Dodgem cars without the rubber strip.

Cities become grid locked as people mostly ignore traffic lights unless they have been red for more than five seconds. The sound of car horns is constant. Busses rule supreme. Stopping on corners to drop people off or just wait around is standard practice. The most dangerous place to cross the street is at a pedestrian crossing as they are completely ignored by drivers. Stopping or slowing down would cause an accident… Texting and calling while driving is normal, but is usually accompanied by drifting from lane to lane at very slow speed.

No.

If it fits, park.

Park within the yellow line?

I could dedicate a whole volume to car parking.

But, not to be deterred, I put on my driving gloves, sharpened my defensive skills and waded out into the melee. When friends visit from overseas I warn them about ‘local rules’ and they laugh. Until they experience them first hand. I got used to the city traffic in Foshan and was doing fairly well, without incident.

Then I changed hotel companies and moved into the provinces. I was barely ready for what I was about face.

In part two, I’ll tell you all about country driving, trucks, trikes and bicycles with no lights (but with right of way, anywhere, anyhow and always).